Yellow Camaro Chapter 2

Chapter 2

            Everything I know is past tense. I try to recall childhood memories in present tense but they’re far out of reach. I’m reaching for a tree’s limb that is dead. If I try to hang from it, I’ll hit the ground taking with me tree’s limb.

I’ve never been in love. I’ve only known soul love. It’s not romantic. It’s spiritual. It’s difficult to explain. It’s poetic and yet my mind tries to capture logic of soulmates. I think I’m going through a dark night of the soul, whatever that means. I’ve been researching spiritual stuff. There’s a lot online about The Aquarian Age being different from what we’ve known collectively last five thousand years. Evidently, we’re becoming a new human species, Homo Sapien 2.0. Advancing technology is upgrading our brain, sensitizing our awareness which should increase empathy, compassion and desire to evolve. I’m still trying to figure out what it means to be an evolved person. I suppose it’s being aware of your strengths and weaknesses and growing your creative potential. I get high off this stuff.

I’m learning to meditate. I listen to frequency sounds like 528 hz and 432 hz. 440 hz is classical standard and yet researchers are showing that 432 hz is better for the brain. Maybe, I’ll major in neurology. I enjoy what goes on in the brain. I’ve been looking into stage colleges in Tennessee. I resonate with Nashville State Community College. Community college allows me to receive extra help. Big universities make me feel swallowed up. Less student traffic, no student debt and opportunities to have real relationships with professors beyond just being a number on a class register is my kind of outstanding educational experience.

I enjoy visual meditations because my imagination is savage. It needs vivid colors, intense sensations and dimensional realities. Guided meditation takes me into another world. Supposedly, astral travel is a subtle plain of existence that connects energetic rhythms with physical matter. I’m not ready to dive into sacred geometry but it makes sense that there is a universal language. I research crop circles in England a lot. Evidently, some of them are beyond human capability of precision and mathematics. There are codes within crop circles sending messages from possibly higher dimensional versions of ourselves or extraterrestrials. It’s thrilling to know we’re not the only species of intelligent life form out there. It’s also scary because we can barely manage to balance ourselves as diverse groups of people with different beliefs. I can’t imagine what a galactic war would look like. It would be five hundred times worse than our terrestrial wars.

Some ancient astronaut theorists believe that asteroid belt was a planet long ago. It was blown up in a galactic war and catapulted our planet into crisis that possibly caused great floods, ice age and installment of the moon as a method of balancing the Earth. It’s all conspiracy but it intrigues me. Why is everything outside the box of current human intelligence recognized as conspiracy? I’m sure Nicholas Copernicus was a conspiracy theorist for believing sun is center of our solar system. It’s strange how some rather stay stagnant than evolve. It’s the few that improve reality for many because they’re willing to challenge status quo.

Crop circles have geometry of spiritual existence. According to Drunvalo Melchizedek’s Flower of Life book, spiritual existence has a pattern, shape, sequence and rhythm that organizes physical matter into cohesive intelligence. When I examine leaves, budding roses and fractals of trees, there is clearly a cohesive intelligence that is collaborative and constructive. Guided meditation helps me expand beyond my current beliefs about reality. If Nikola Tesla is the poster boy of future humans on planet Earth, I want to be as deeply imaginative as him. He could see complete blueprints to otherworldly inventions. He could hear lightning eighty miles away. He was a key holder to knowledge that goes beyond limited human perception like Leonardo Da Vince knew of submarine way before its time.

Humans are feeble. We can easily separate from our true nature out of fear, greed and control. Researching what British did to conquer gold territory in South Africa, is cruel, evil. British burned farm lands, took women and children placing them in concentration camps and tens of thousands of innocent women and children died all for British nobles to obtain gold for their superiority. It reminds me of what white men did to get Lakota people to surrender to a new government. White men shot down thousands, millions of Buffalo in an attempt to cause Native American people stiff, starvation and instability. Native American people of north west surrendered and native reservations would become land white men don’t want.

Whatever this dark night of the soul is, has me discovering parts of humanity I would never find without my core identity being crushed into tiny particles that allow me to transfigure myself into many things, many forms. In guided meditation, I imagine I am eagle, otter, crow, beluga, raven, buffalo, bear, wolf, jaguar. Whatever makes up wild things, is same ingredients that make up me. We’re only different because our sequence of ingredients is organized differently.

Guided meditation rests my body and sharpens my intuition. It encourages long deep breathing and kindness towards self. In a world of much self-aggression, outward aggression and hate disguised as criticism, kindness is a well needed medicine. I strive for neutrality, that space in the mind that is able to turn pain into purpose, forgive the enemy, evolve beyond prejudices and can see self in other while upholding a fierce individuality. I think I’m getting close to something because I feel less angry. I never realized how much anger is in the world until I started meditating regularly. Anger is a poison. It ruins good people, turning them into voices of aggression. Anger destroys the body, damaging precious organs and saturating blood with toxins.

Guidied meditation helps me to understand the higher self. Evidently, the higher self is totality of human existence including soul, mind, body, energy, karma, infinity, cosmos and incarnational flow of dynamic consciousness. I don’t use word consciousness a lot because I was told from religious people that consciousness is Satan. Basically, everything spiritual is Satanic according to some religious fanatics. I don’t have time for apathic stubborn, unevolved stagnant and cognitively dissilience people. I’m on a train. I got to keep going. I’m not sure where I’m going but I’m searching for something visionary.

In some of my mental trips, I travel to places that don’t exist on planet Earth. How am I able to make up these places? They’re too complex. My brain would have to be extremely sophisticated to build such realities. Colors are vibrant. Sounds are clearer. Energy is lighter. Feelings are grander. I feel free and sometimes in this world it’s hard to feel free. Realities in guided meditation are like kaleidoscope brilliant and like looking through giant telescope at exuberant universe. It’s all bigger than life and yet its creative genius is within smallest of things.

I take a drive to downtown Nashville. We’ve settled into our new apartment. It’s spacious and full of light. I spent a lot of time in my room reading books on self-help, spiritual growth, philosophy, archelogy, geology, Atlantis according to Plato, The Masons, Buddhism, Hinduism, evolutionary astrology, cosmology, ancient civilization of Lemuria, what is authentic love, how to attract your life partner, business side of music, songwriting, how to write good books, consciousness of advance humans/Upanishads, Sikh traditions, Kundalini Yoga, Native American stories. I can’t read all books I have. I’m too firey to sit still for too long. I get ants in pants and need to do something physical like take a jog at night under revolving stars.

Downtown Nashville is either a drunken nightmare or ecstatic wildland. Crowds of people are always drunk especially on Friday nights but pretty much every night is a drunken night. Lights are flashy, big and carnival like. There is every kind of bar. Bars are loud, noisy and people try to talk over live music. Live music is always country. Everyone wears cowboy boots and hats, blue jeans, farmer shirts and walk strong. River is only quiet place. It’s near Titan stadium and its endless car lots that reflect emptiness of universe. Ever since dark night of the soul, I don’t watch football. Football doesn’t satisfy me.

My mother works at batman building, one of tallest buildings in downtown Nashville. It views everything. My mother has a nocturnal shift. She works from 2pm to 11pm. I pick her up at 11pm because buses stop running around 8pm. Being from Northern Virginia, metro is a way of life. Taking subway is way better than driving to Washington, D.C. and sitting on route 66 with roaring traffic. Picking mother up at her job works out because I perform at downtown music venues a lot. Driving from Belluvue, which is west Nashville is like sailing. There is never traffic and it’s dark. I enjoy darkness of mountains and open highway. Belluvue was once vast farm lands. Population has grown a lot according to old people. It’s suburban and yet still has flowing river horses used to drink from when they roamed green hills that never were interrupted reminding us that water is beginning and end.

There are every kind of music venues from BB King’s blues house to a small underground jazz space to redneck country to folk lounge to hip hop spaces to amphitheater playing symphonies to songwriter’s network spots to music industry hookups to old school twang to bluegrass bars to hit or miss open mics to poetry lounge to ecstatic dance clubs to dirty night clubs to strip joints to coffee spots to pour out your soul artistic spaces. Only thing downtown Nashville doesn’t have is diversity. I never noticed it at first but eventually I start to realize sea of white people. I’m a purple and pink zebra amongst black and white zebras. It’s never about race for me. I just pay attention. There must be a reason colored females in country music doesn’t exist. Growing up in Fairfax County, with its international people, exposed me to every kind of style, culture, tradition and ethnicity. I grew up with a friend from India, Korea, West Africa, Guatemala, Mexico, Colombia, China, Iraq. Many kids I grew with are first generation. Their parents speak their native language fluently and know English very well. Their parents dress as they would in their home country. They connect to community way they would in their home country. They’re culture and traditions are very much intact and expressed freely. Davidson County lacks this.

Driving through downtown Nashville takes about ten minutes. I can walk downtown Nashville in thirty minutes. It’s no New York city or Chicago. It’s tucked away at bottom of valley where Native Americans refused to live because of great floods. Downtown Nashville is bottom of fish bowl, a basin where energy gets swampy sometimes. Skyscrapers don’t reach pentacle of heights. Taking elevator at batman building to highest levels is intimidating. Sometimes I feel batman building sway side to side. My ears always pop and my brain is loppy. There are civil war stains everywhere with monuments dedicated to battles. Civil war is buried under suburban rise. Construction is constant with cranes and ongoing drilling. Nashville is trying to be a glorious stellar city but space is tight and existing structure isn’t designed to hold a booming population of mega millions.

I enjoy feverish sounds of live music, karaoke, poetry, blues on big speakers and never-ending country playlists blazing streets. I perform everywhere I can get into. Open mics can be a desperate and awe-striking place with artists grabbing for attention, musicians that are below average and rockstar guitarists. It’s a threshold for every kind of creative person from teenage basics to professional musicians wanting a causal and funky space to be abstract, innovative and organic. Open mics are like jazz rooms. There is disco of groovy soulful individuals expressing their glittery improvisation in search of a tribe that cares. I discover every kind of instrument from cello, piano, bass guitar, acoustic guitar, trumpet, saxophone, flute, drums. Lyrics are work in process and artists are inclusive. Everyone shares exotic, sublime and heartfelt artistry with an intention to be amazed and inspired by zestful entrepreneurs. There are no cliques, social hierarchy or harsh judgment.

Everyone is learning. No one knows it all. There is respect for beginner and advance student. We share our stories, breakthroughs and desire for improvement. We give constructive criticism, support advancements and empower dreams come true. Not every music venue is loving. There is rude competition that isolates, segregates and seeks to overpower even demise other’s personal power out of jealousy, frustration and angry need to win at all costs. I start to book venues but artists don’t get paid in Nashville. Most venues I send live recordings of my music to are bars that expect covers of popular country artists. I try to stick with original music venues because I don’t want to be a zombie, doing things just to do them. I’ve learned that I must fit into myself before fitting into the world or find myself fragmented, disjointed and confused in personal crisis because I have no spiritual identity to see me through worst of times.

I think about my African American grandfather who sang the blues in Shenandoah Valley, where sunrise is marigold and mountains of plump green twinkle and shimmer gold and blue. Blues is a refuge. In a world of dark times when ego of man overtakes soul of man, we are shadows and forget that we are the sun. We give into our shadows and our mind becomes perverted. Our perversions project out into the world wrong view turning good men into unruly creatures with no integrity. Men have amnesia until creative insight revolutionizes the nightmare, restoring sacred dreams that come from the sun. It wasn’t long ago that my mother and father would have been killed for having me, a mixed girl. We’re meant to be visionary. Visionary is how we’re able to find our way through darkness.

I read Martin Luther Kings Jr. I Have a Dream speech from 1963. He was a king though he wasn’t bound to European monarchies that rule the world. He was a guardian for the people. He didn’t have to kill the king to become king like many European monarchies. He just knows how to vibrate the cosmos in the way it’s intended to vibrate.

“I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon of hope to millions of slaves, who had been seared in the flames of whithering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity. But one hundred years later, the colored America is still not free. One hundred years later, the life of the colored American is still sadly crippled by the manacle of segregation and the chains of discrimination.

One hundred years later, the colored American lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the colored American is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land So we have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we have come to our Nation’s Capital to cash a check. When the architects of our great republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir.

This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the inalienable rights of life liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given its colored people a bad check, a check that has come back marked “insufficient funds.”

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. So we have come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and security of justice.

We have also come to his hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of Now. This is not time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism.

Now is the time to make real the promise of democracy.

Now it the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice.

Now it the time to lift our nation from the quicksand of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood.

Now is the time to make justice a reality to all of God’s children.

I would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment and to underestimate the determination of its colored citizens. This sweltering summer of the colored people’s legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end but a beginning. Those who hope that the colored Americans needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual.

There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the colored citizen is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities.

We cannot be satisfied as long as the colored person’s basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one.

We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating “for white only.”

We cannot be satisfied as long as a colored person in Mississippi cannot vote and a colored person in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote.

No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of your trials and tribulations. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by storms of persecutions and staggered by the winds of police brutality.

You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our modern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you, my friends, we have the difficulties of today and tomorrow.

I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

I have a dream that one day out in the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; that one day right down in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be engulfed, every hill shall be exalted and every mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plains and the crooked places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I will go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.

With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.

With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to climb up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God’s children will be able to sing with new meaning “My country ’tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father’s died, land of the Pilgrim’s pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!”

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. So let freedom ring from the hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that, let freedom, ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi and every mountainside.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every tenement and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old spiritual, “Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last.” (I Have a Dream 1963 Spoken by Martin Luther King Jr.)

There is no greater speech. Inspired by this speech I write words of healing. College essay writing is my jazz.

“I have a dream my sisters and brothers will not settle for intoxication, pollution and spiritual attack, testing our courage to reinvent the common identity. My sisters and brothers will challenge the patriarch by honoring the matriarch, inviting ancient history belonging to wise tribes and masterful minds. The renaissance is not in space, a place we escape to avoid our Earth duty, but in the sacred geometry of our reparented human self. I have a dream the trash rivers, garbage in our subconscious from the Dark Age of disorderly authority will clean with the sound current of royal artistry. The Age of Light we call the New Age, soul era, Aquarian breed, the vedic transmission prophesize will archer ideas to be delivered and poor attitude, poor life style and poor self-concept to strike down like a bolt of lightning. I have a dream the unruly reckless and careless will meet at the altar of spirituality belonging to no religious judgment. My clarity is God being the visionary devoted to soul purpose. The drifting, wandering, lost hearts will find their bravery and stride with an evergreen expression and Earth power intention. We are not to drain the Earth like our medieval ways of raid and pillage, take, build, make and gain––God, Glory and Gold. We are not the callous hands desperately gripping onto statues with no honest mind. We are the Pleiades constellation, Sirus Star and Orion Belt––a mysterious and knowledgeable universe. May the library of our preserved, protected and dignified student/teacher revive our powerhouse for science and imagination to evolve into the finest, most mighty, earnest and enlivened symphony. I have a dream the children never lose their self-esteem to agitation brought into aggression caged yearning to ignite a movement of recovered authenticity. I know the leaner’s minds will never sink into judgment, shame and rage because the scholar and poet keep us inspired and focused. There is a closure of an age and the start of consciousness. What is the future’s environmental society, global union, earthling discussion and cultivated consciousness? This is our assignment. This is our oath we make to our own heart. We are learning and teaching break down, deconstruction, end of cycles for Earth 2.0 to not be a planet elsewhere––an innocent, untouched fruitful planet without blood spill, poverty and defeat we travel to in our unresolved intelligence but for Earth, this Earth our only known home to be restored, assured, manifested beauty born out of our humble command for self and other cosmic awareness.

Wow, God! I know the Earth medicine in the depths of my self-love, my greatest revolution towards defeating the curses and traumas of humankind. Wow, God! I am emotionally and spiritually maturing to create a linage of creative destiny, my greatest offering to the fulfillment of Earth and humanity.”

Images of global warming, mental illness and disease isn’t the future. We can rewrite the pattern. We can reimagine our future. We can reinvent the human. My ideas involve humanity are based on mentality, inner reality, a stream of thoughts and collection of genetic shapes. I see human beings as a mandala. According to Emoto’s water experiment, water molecules create rhythmic shapes like geometry. When frequencies are low, water molecules are arrhythmic, distorted. When frequencies are high, water molecules are rhythmic, clear. Humans are mostly made of water. Earth is mostly made of water. We can vibrate into our pours, cells, atoms energy of creative brilliance changing the momentum. Martin Luther King Jr. did just that. He changed the mandala of the black American restoring vitality to that which has been disconnected from its true nature.

I don’t have a country accent. My father did. He watched western movies. I grew up with Sam Elliot as my beloved. His voice is deep, rugged and stable. He’s a real horseman and has grit. I adore his tight seriousness and steady resilience. He’s a brute and a gentleman. County accent came from being around thick country accents. Though, Northern Virginia has an international dialect, there are country lands surrounding us that hold true to old ways.

Attending classes at Nashville State Community College is liberating. No one knows me therefore no one has a preexisting notion of who I am. I get to remake myself. People don’t know if I’m shy or outgoing. People don’t know if I’m silly or serious. I’m the girl who is a firecracker. I’m not afraid to ask questions and I am brazen. I’m aiming for English major with Spanish as an additional study.

I keep reading same pages from Spanish text book about Spain. I don’t know why I’m drawn to these couple of pages. Our profession announces study abroad in Segovia, Spain. Something in me burns. It stings. I never think about study abroad in Spain until my profession mentions scholarship opportunity. I must write an essay. I think I’ll write about my spiritual journey. I’m going to be candid, raw and authentic. I can’t hide. My passion for personal evolution needs to be focal point of my essay writing.

Should I share about being an intuitive reader to others? Is that weird? Academia might not be open to outside of box ideas. Academia is known to be traditional, overly logical and linear. I started being an intuitive reader to people immediately when I moved to Nashville. I never fully embraced this soulful adventure before. Basically, an intuitive reader is a highly sensitive person who helps people align with their highest timeline by providing evolutionary astrology, human design and oracle guidance. It’s New Age vibe. I’m a Gen Z. We’re high tech in many ways.

Something about distance from family beliefs allowed me to discover my own beliefs about myself and the world. Intuitive readings are designed to help people discover their most authentic self. When I started, I didn’t think I’d be any good. It was more an experiment to see if I’m actually intuitive even psychic. Clients didn’t judge me like religious family members do. They are curious, open minded and searching for something visionary. Maybe, I’m not the only person in this world going through dark night of the soul. Maybe, it’s true. Humankind is transitioning into a more spiritual identity and releasing conditional self, the self built on familiar patterns, collective ideologies and fear-based conventions.

A quote from Cloud Atlas keeps me pondering about life outside hand-me-down brain. I wonder what the brain is like beyond epigenetic coding, generational trauma and fear of not being accepted by society. “Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others, past and present and by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”

My essay writing gifts me a full scholarship. I’m flying out to Madrid, Spain and living in Segovia for two months. It’s my first taste of independence. I’m nervous and empowered. I must complete assignments before leaving.

(essay writing)

According to the Upanishads humanity is one with all things, rivers, oceans, animals, plant life, the universe, and itself. Everything is connected by a common thread. Atoms, - helium, nitrogen, carbon, and hydrogen are found in all things, a tree that takes in carbon, fungus and humans that release carbon, a star that is a carbon ball, “Who sees all beings in his own Self, and his own Self in all beings, loses all fear” (ISA). There is no fear when a person is in synch with another because their thoughts are complimentary, hearts beating in unison. The unknown factor of another person’s intention causes fear, but being in synch with another is recognizing the importance of the other being on the right path because when one is not it affects all. 

Brahman is the empty spaces in space and matter. “Brahman who is Truth, consciousness, and infinite joy…goes beyond the universe, and the light of the sun…” (TAITTIRIYA). Brahman is aligned with every heart and misaligned heart. Brahman is human and is not. One shall join Brahman when one sees beyond what is known and begins to connect with the threads that move alongside the visible threads, but cannot be seen. Brahman sees the same light that is in him/herself in a person, animal, and the universe, so much so, that he knows him/herself to be Everywhere.

(essay writing)

Atlantis was said to be a highly advanced civilization with technology that went far beyond present day conceptualization. Everything that existed during that time is lost. Civilization broke and started over again. The world today with all its advancements in science, technology, and international communication is lost to those characters in the story Anthem. Ayn Rand’s message to humanity is clear in the Anthem, “…men with nothing to offer” (Rand 63) turns the world dull, all liveliness and sense of wonder vanish. Stepping into the psyche of Ayn Rand a person can conclude that freedom pushes humanity towards new birth. Sameness doesn’t evoke creativity. A society that refuses a person the privilege of excelling in one’s natural talent causes them to sacrifice their integrity to please others.

Anthem is written in first person with Prometheus as the narrator. The protagonist is change. Change guides the story forward and is played by Prometheus, a young man that awakens to a hidden truth that his uniqueness, in a world where all are told “we are nothing” (Rand 7), is his most honest integrity, “I understood why the best in me had been my sins and my transgression” (Rand 60). Prometheus realizes that his antagonist, fear, has been trying to suppress his most brilliant and original self, “…their bodies were shrinking and wished to shrink out of sight. And a word steals into our minds…fear” (Rand 23). Fear challenges change. The people have been programmed for hundreds of years to believe they are worthless, but change asks of them to embrace curiosity with inner exploration.

The uncharted forest is symbolic for stepping into the unknown. The novel The Giver by Louis Lowry has a forbidden land that the main character, Jonas, travels into to escape and save the people of their dull life. Stepping into unknown land alone shows that a character is a pioneer on a frontier about to experience significant change. “I shall cut into the stone the word [ego]…” (Rand 64), this image is symbolic for Prometheus stamp on history. The same can be seen for David by Michelangelo. This stone carved human figure, is Michelangelo stamp on history.

The setting takes place in a colonial American vibe, candle light, horse buggy, society. Prometheus travels to an underground dark tunnel where his discoveries take place, “… in our tunnel, we feel it no longer [fear]. The air is pure under the ground” (Rand 23), Prometheus views his world has stifling and his dark tunnel as refreshing. The setting in the end takes place in the uncharted forest where Prometheus discoveries a house that was built before the time of sameness. It becomes his headquarters for a rebellion against the sameness that keeps humanity dull. “…we heard suddenly that we were laughing” (Rand 46), Prometheus genuinely feels joy in the forest after realizing he can do whatever he wants. Instead of robotically wake up each morning to do his street sweeper job that was assigned to him by a Council that knows nothing of him.

The plot happens in chorological order. It is not lenient to extra information not needed to convey the main message and gets straight to the events that support the author’s message. The story jumps over long periods of time and focuses on specific events that are all turning points for Prometheus. This style of writing helps the reader stay focused and reminds them that the novel isn’t for exploring interesting characters and settings like reading a Harry Potter book by J.K. Rowling, but more as a pamphlet with precise messages that the author doesn’t want to get deluded by too much setting detail, back ground, and character building.

The primary theme Ayn Rand wants the reader to know is the enslavement of humanity always dulls the greater whole. “…neither god nor king nor other men can take away from him” (Rand 62), the desire for respect to follow one’s own pursuits has lead to numerous battles throughout centuries. Ayn Rand asks of humanity to respect each other’s difference and not seek to control another’s behavior due to fear of them making the wrong decision,”…and he stood on the threshold of the freedom for which the blood of the centuries behind him had been spilled” (Rand 62), the desire for a rebellion will always be in the heart of humanity as long as people feel entrapped by a society norm that prevents them from exploration.

Works Cited - Rand, Ayn. Anthem. CA: Mockingbird Classics Publishing, 2015. Print.

 

Work citing is a bit challenging. I don’t try to plagiarize but I’m not sure how to probably cite other people’s ideas.

(essay writing)

Buddhism, Upanishads, and Giovanni Pico della Mirandola share the insights of choosing peace over ambition, unity with humanity and heaven, having faith over fear, being open to change, either through receiving or giving, and recognizing the importance of all beings.

A Buddhist has no fear. The fear is the protagonist to humanities plot. Without it a person wouldn’t be considered human. No one can truly conceptualize a mind without fear because it is in every thought and attached to every conversation. There is fear from the daily introspective thought of “Am I on the right path?” and fear in expressing depth in a conversation. Fear dissipates when a Buddhist can whole heartedly embrace this moment now without expectations to what it offers or where it will lead. Whole hearted devotion to peace in the now sets a Buddhist free.

The Upanishads connect the heart, intellect, and spirit to a vast universe where everything meets back up into the ONE. “I shall join Brahman when I see beyond what is known and begin to connect with all,” (Upanishads) a person can sense the presence of the one when individualistic fear of not reaching one’s fullest potential is relieved. This happens when a revelation occurs that they are the trees, their neighbor, the fireman, the doctor, the lawyer, the teacher, the student, and none are more or less important.

“…man is…considered and called a great miracle and a being worthy of all admiration,” (Oration on the Dignity of Man) this optimistic perspective asks of humanity to be grateful to be alive. The soul of humanity has wonder and when it isn’t clouded by envy caused by the “…hierarchy of beings assigned to [man]…” it can serve humanity gracefully. Humanity can be looked up to be as angelic as angels and as maleficent as demons. Humanities devotion to balanced generosity sets them free.

 

I wrote an essay to Peace Corps and I wasn’t accepted. I think I’m too young. It’s all for the best. My dear friend Maya who is also searching for something visionary, who I met online, was in Peace Corps and got sent back from Africa because she became very ill.

We talk a lot online sharing ideas about past civilizations and future destinations. She’s a Native American woman with long black hair, bark brown skin, lovely almond shaped brown eyes and charismatic smile. She’s an intuitive reader. She teaches people their evolutionary astrology. Everyone has a unique human design waiting to be unlocked, amplified and developed. Sometimes people need someone to spark the flame to their destiny. In a world with much fear, it takes a tribe to see clearly who we are and who we are not.

(essay writing)

The planet is being rewired. The whole idea of having a job simply to make a pay check is evolving. People are waking up and realizing what they’ve been taught may not be the way forward anymore. It’s up to them to be still enough to see the new frontier waving them over into nothingness. This is the place where the mind meets infinite possibilities because no ideologies, religion, sex, race, age, nationality, sexuality, can get in the way of inspiration. People aren’t inspired because they fear what the new frontier may ask of them, “Let go. Take a risk. Quit your job. Leave your marriage. Move out of the country. Think new thoughts.”

Fear excites people. It tells them all the reasons why they should remain holding onto random somethingness, dogma, childhood, ideas, judgments, people, bad job,” You are safe here. Here is reliable. Here is practical. Here is SECURITY,” but here has nothing to do with any of those things. It’s the mind’s barrier that keeps people from breaking through the glass ceiling into total positive affirmations. Everyone stares at it as a reminder why they should stay in mediocracy because breaking glass is dangerous and can harm them. Those who break through bleed, but are inspired.

I listened to an interview by a scientist whose name I cannot remember. What stayed with me was his brilliant idea, “the next generation may not be Homo Sapien.” My most consistent question to myself is what is next for humanity. We have centuries of discouragement based on sex, race, age, nationality, and when I frequently play near a stream close to my house It’s obvious to me our minds are polluted by the pollution found there. According to Buddha our external world isn’t separate from us, it shows us what is going on within us.

Space exploration seems to be the next frontier but judging by the Gangs, river in India and the Mississippi, both deeply polluted, we would only bring our scattered presence to the stars. The conclusion I come to is the same Lao Tzu centuries ago did. What is next for humanity is compassion because then it doesn’t see everything separate from itself.

The Upanishads say that I will never know Brahman, the force that is in everything. Alan Watts would tell me to stop trying to understand the force. What is “It” we are searching for. Neil Degrass Tyson speaks that my eyes are connected to the greatest known force, the universe as does the Upanishads. The “It” I am searching for I will not understand and have stop trying to.

I seek to be an example to young minds that they don’t have to grow up to become an adult who loses its childlike wonder and imagination. My greatest gift is to bring positive affirmations because even though the world is turning slowly out of dark times of discouragement people need a reminder that the “It” we are searching for is connection.

 

I turn in my assignments, complete my study abroad paperwork, meetings and leave early in morning. Darkness is chilly and airport is smiley. My mother drops me off. She embraces me warmly and drives off. I see other students; I recognize from study abroad meetings. We cling to each other out of comfort and safety. I don’t bring heavy luggage. I have one suitcase and a backpack. Everything is carryon. I like to walk upon the Earth lightly. It’s a change from a past where family tends to accumulate stuff and have attachments that serve no purpose. I show my passport to security, get my bags checked through security and make my way to international boarding. I walk with students who are strangers to me. We wait. I use bathroom. We wait again. Professions are tired. 4am makes me jump off walls and I don’t need coffee. Nighttime is when my brain sings.

We board airplane. It’s spacious and has two floors. Seats are wide and blue. Aiels aren’t squeezed. I can walk without hitting seated people with my voluptuous hips. I rest into my seat in-between people and fall into a meditation. Looking out open window at darkness with flashing lights from planes and land markers gently guides me into thrilling sensation of time.

A girlfriend who works at an art gallery said her international friend is working on a college music project. I become his artist. I write a song titled “Oh how I wish you love me.” We spend weeks jamming in a professional studio. We’re all clueless and yet determined to learn something relevant. He’s a freshman so his engineering abilities is average. He’s from Mexico as a study abroad student. He’s short with wavy brown hair, light brown skin and long eye lashes covering his serene brown eyes. He’s an Aries. He’s driven, strong willed and high energy. We get along well because we’re both goofy and do well under pressure.

Final product of first studio recording of my original music is radiantly ravishing. There are no artificial sounds, audio tuning or overproduction. It’s simple and no commercialized but people don’t like simple anymore. People want noise, chatter and distraction. Technology of video games, reality TV and social media makes us edgy, jittery for more and unable to focus. Sounds of nature no longer inspire us. We need to be stimulated. Stimulation is a cure to our boredom and yet it makes us robotic and its not an out of body experience that stabilizes the brain.

(songwriting)

“Oh how I wish you saw a light in me you say shines brighter than anything you’ve seen. Oh how I wish that we could talk about the deep stuff that makes us vulnerable. Oh how I wish I wasn’t a friend of a friend but your number one. Oh how I wish your eyes were lost in the depths of me.

Oh how I wish you love me. Oh how I wish you love me. Oh how I wish you love me, you love me, you love me.

Oh how I wish you didn’t act as though you want to die alone. Oh how I wish I met you first because I’d never give me love to two. Oh how I wish you could forgive, forget. It’s never that simple. Oh how I wish you trust in me. To you trust equals betray.

Oh how I wish you love me. Oh how I wish you love me. Oh how I wish you love me, you love me, you love me.

Oh I wish our ending ended with a kiss. It went like this. I told you I love you. You stood there with empty eyes. Right there, I knew this would only be just a wish. Oh how I wish, Oh how I wish, Oh how I wish.

Oh how I wish you love me. Oh how I wish you love me. Oh how I wish you love me, you love me, you love me

Oh how I wish you saw a light in me you say shines brighter than anything you’ve seen. Oh how I wish your eyes were lost in the depths of me.”

 

Songwriting is verse, chorus, verse, chorus, bridge and chorus. That’s the basic format. Songwriting can be more complicated but I like to keep it basic.

I turn on a different style of meditation. It’s called Yoga Nidra. It’s also known as mind awake, body asleep.

Flying in plane, we’re chasing the sun. High above Atlantic Ocean, there is blackness of empty space and waves of dark blue catching wind.

“Find a comfortable position with your spine resting against a back rest…Focus on breathing…Relax your face, neck and shoulders…Inhale…Exhale…Inhale…Exhale…Relax your elbows, wrists and fingers…Relax your stomach, hips and spine…Relax your knees, ankles and toes…Breathe from top of head to soles of feet…Inhale soles of feet to top of head…Close your eyes…Allow darkness of closed eyes gently guide you into deep rest…Inhale, count to four…Exhale, count to four…Notice how your diaphragm expands on inhale and contracts on exhale…You are safe…You are loved…Within darkness see point of light at center of chest…Breathe long and deep…See point of light below belly button at naval…Breathe…See point of light at back of neck where spine meets skull…Breathe…See point of light mid brain, upper brain…Breathe into pineal gland, pituitary gland…See point of light at center of throat…Breathe into thyroid and parathyroid gland…See point of light at right armpit…Breathe…See point of light at right upper arm, lower arm, thumb, first finger, second finger, third finger, little finger…See point of light at right palm of hand…Breathe into right arm…See point of light at left armpit…Breathe…See point of light at left upper arm, lower arm, thumb, first finger, second finger, third finger, little finger…See point of light at left palm of hand…Breathe into left arm…See point of light at upper back, between shoulder blades…Breathe into upper back…see point of light mid back, lower back…Breathe into internal organs, liver, kidneys, spleen, colon, stomach, gallbladder, pancreas, intestines, sex organs…See point of light at center of pelvis…Breathe…See point of light at right upper leg, lower leg, big toe, second toe, third toe, forth toe, little toe…See point of light at sole of right foot…Breathe into right leg…See point of light at tail bone…Breathe…See point of light at left upper leg, lower leg, big toe, second toe, third toe, forth toe, little toe…See point of light at sole of left foot…Breathe into left leg…See entire body full of light…Sense every water molecule in body full of light…See point of light at bottom of right lung, top of lung…See point of light at bottom of left lung, top of lung…See point of light at right adrenal at tip of kidney…See point of light at left adrenal at tip of kidney…Breathe into entire spine from top of spine to bottom, bottom of spine to top…See point of light at right jaw, cheek, ear…See point of light at left jaw, cheek, ear…Sense oxygen flowing through right nostril, left nostril…See point of light behind right eye, behind left eye…Connect all points of light…Breathe…Now imagine you’re in a field of wildflowers and tall grasses. You are surrounded by spring trees. There is warmth from the sun and flowing river. You are safe. You are one with nature. You are the wind, sunshine, water and soil. Breathe into your destiny. You have a purpose. You are worthy of greatness. You are meant to grow and evolve. Awaken your creativity. Free yourself from past traumas. Inhale clean air…Exhale toxins, pollutions and suffering…Inhale your personal power…Exhale dysfunction, negativity and self hate…Inhale wisdom…Exhale heaviness, mental junk and unhealthy habits…Keep inhaling your authentic being and exhaling what doesn’t serve your highest good…” I write meditation script.

I never think I’m a humanitarian. Dark night of the soul has pushes me to think about others. The world is sort of in crisis. If Earth is alive, it makes sense for human beings to receive messages from her. I try to follow her instructions.

Most college kids are jumping on beds having pillow fights in dorm rooms with no cares. University is paid for. Parents are in another state, somewhere far away. Parties with alcohol, people making out and trashed rooms is feisty. There are secret meetings with ex lovers, sarcastic gossip and studious nights mixing red bull and coffee.

This isn’t my college experience. I don’t take naps on university lawns or paint my face black and blue to support football team. I don’t eat in meals prepaid for cafeteria or take road trips with charming ferocious boys and giddy dreaming girls. I don’t have chaotic emotions from teenage thrashing into adult. I don’t have a speedy lover every month. I don’t have crowded sleepovers or candy shoved in dresser hidden from roommate. I am flying to Spain. I am living with a house mom that doesn’t speak English. I am following not my parents’ wishes or societies’ normality. I am searching for something visionary.