Rosy is a Root - Chapter 4

 The Earth is calling for us to change but we don’t know how to change.

I was six years old. The night was very dark and cold. My mother picked me up from Gaga’s house and like usual I went to dance class and came home late around seven o’clock. I was surprised when I opened the door to our home. Everyone on my father’s side was there. People were in the kitchen, living room, downstairs in the basement, upstairs in my room and playroom. The moment I walked in I knew but was too young to understand what I felt. My heart dropped. I felt so happy and yet shy. Everyone was staring at me, smiling but I knew they felt sorry for me. That was when I learned the word sympathy.

I did not know most people. Mostly, they were all strangers and I was kind of upset about that. Why didn’t they show up for me before? Why now? I never had so many black people loving me all at once. Mostly, I spent my time with the white side of my family. My father’s side seemed distant, distracted and unconcerned with me. Their eyes were big like mine. Everyone had my eyes-brown like honey, oval-shaped like Egyptian goddesses and strikingly intense that of a psychic. I knew never my eyes were significant to my heritage and that they are a time capsule, leading to an ancient past of Native Americans, Africa, the Middle East and in a combination that fuses together like there once was one race of human infused with all the races we have today.

I went upstairs with my mother and Grandmother, Rose. I won’t forget that long walk upstairs. My heart was dropping further down. They sat me on my father’s and mother’s bed like a teacher’s conference. I just started to accept that all these people came just to see me. I felt loved and supported. I realized they didn’t necessarily come for me. They came because the person that had the biggest eyes of them all died in the morning my mother had a dream of marigold sun rolling into Shenandoah valley turning forests into castles for fairies.

The gift transferred into my eyes. I could see the spirit on the other side but I could not describe the encounter. Never did I see the way my ancestors could see. I did not come into my gift until death forced me to open my sight.

I did not cry. I did not scream. I was patient or maybe I was numb. I cannot remember what happened after that. Everything before that is so vivid and clear. I suppose I blocked out the events afterward out of self-preservation. In times of great pain, when we aren’t strong enough, we suppress or numb to survive. It’s our subconscious way of keeping ourselves safe. Pain can be dangerous because sometimes we lose ourselves and destroy ourselves.

I have years missing from my memory. I cannot fully access ages seven, eight, nine, or ten. It’s all vague and disempowered. Maybe, I rejected those years. Maybe, I erased those years. I tried my best to ignore the calling of my ancestors to have their sight. I could not hold it down any longer by the age of eleven. It broke free like a tree bursting through a ceramic pot.

I saw him more vividly on the other side than I saw him alive. I felt what he felt. I could see myself through his eyes. His life did not end. Our journey ended but at the same time, another began just in a different space in time.

He asked for my forgiveness. I thought I gave it to him. I was in denial. I was afraid. I saw him the way any little girl would see their father-in a place most magical but was it real? I knew he was leaving this plain of existence and going beyond. He was holding himself back because he didn’t learn what he needed to in life. He was completing a life that will always be incomplete because humans are a constant working art. There is no end. There is no perfection. There is experience and choice and the way you look at it and there are many ways to look at something.

He showed me what I couldn’t see. I saw us laying on the grass beside our home. It was spring and the trees were humming robins. There were flowers in people’s yards and gardens beginning to unveil their color and shape. We were feeling into the sun, smiling at each other and talking about the foxes, rabbits and deer near our home.

This was never real. I planted this memory in deep self-hypnosis to give myself what I needed to feel our journey complete. I don’t remember much about my father. I see him playing with dolls with me in my playroom. I remember getting a doll house and being so excited. I played there for hours, every day. My father would play with me on the weekends, sometimes for hours just watching me tell stories. I remember playing kitchen in the basement. I had a little kitchen set and I would pretend to cook food for my father and he would listen to me tell stories. I was always the talker, telling imaginative stories that never applied to real life. He wanted to keep me there because the world he knew wasn’t as colorful or radiant as the world I knew. His world was working and going fishing to find himself, which isn't a dull life if you color it in.

My father was highly spiritual, in-tune like a medium and able to know things like a Shaman. He was subtle and sensible, fun and serious. He was responsible and dependable but he also was yearning for something. He thought he could find it in strengthening his relationship with his father but that wasn’t enough.

A heart-based culture lost is living with only knowing the self at the world level but the world is fickle and changes to fit the narrative of the times, but not every narrative is truthful, helpful or for the greater good of all. There is a knowing of our ancestors and what we are often doesn’t fit into the world’s current narrative.

The kind of change that decides whether or not we’ve learned an important lesson that brings us closer to harmony with the universe happens at the heart level. This kind of change allows us to discern and discover our potential from the eagerness for personal freedom and authenticity. It's difficult to change in this way without knowing the consciousness of the heart. Restricted to only the mind, we progress, we shift, we understand but the root cannot be seen because it cannot be found there. The renaissance of change, destructive and creative for the purpose of learning what is needed to be learned most is an insight the mind only finds when it is led by the heart.

Change is evolutionary necessity driving us into the mystery of mastery, urging us to transform, let go and forgive the ruthless demands of progress, reinvention and reform. The renaissance collapses what was practical, consistent, habitualized and refashions the worn, outdated and out of balance structure into a design creatively exalting, harmonious and experimentally ambitious, bold and wild all for the glory of adventure leading to meditative accomplishments. We are meditative accomplishments in the arrival of our being to this school of Earth and the departure. All we take is what we learn and how we feel.

The death of my father taught me relentless push to face fear and excel through challenge. After his passing, I closed myself off to a part of energy and denied myself the opportunity to understand the importance of death, grief, sorrow and lose. We cannot attach ourselves to anything because everything must revolve through seasons, cycles and progressions of itself. Hating death is like rejecting minor cords in music. We simply cannot play the fullness of our existence like a grand symphony without allowing death to challenge our beliefs about time, space and physical and spiritual.

My sight taught me that we are just spiritual beings having a physical experience. My father is gone but not really. His body has become star dust but his life force has potentiated itself further into the mystery of mastery. My yogic science and technology teacher once said during a course on deathless living-in the death of ourselves we are asked by ourselves what have you come to learn, what did you do and how do you feel about it?

Gurujas spoke about going to the cold place or the warm bar where there are many people. The bar represents our karmic ties to people, places and things that keep us Earth bound and limited in our creative expansion due to beliefs, programs, unlearned lessons, unresolved issues and poor quality of energy keeping us fragmented and at odds with ourselves. The cold mountain strips us naked of people, places and things-returning us to our essence where we expand out into infinity with sense of freedom, wisdom and visionary quality of energy, liberating ourselves of attachments and ties to beliefs, programs, oaths, promises, burdens, constructs, concepts, perceptions and ideologies/doctrines that keep us fragmented and afraid of our totality and greatness to embody karma befriending dharma.

Snow cleanses the land of buildup of old energies that need to be recycled for the essence of Gaia to seed new energies that are creatively charged by the renewal of life force energy. Purifying itself of toxins accumulated from illusions of separation from source energy brings revitalization to existence.

My father is a spirit guide-urging me to expand like the cold mountain, to retrieve my essence in the remembrance of visionary found in deep rest that takes me inward enough for my connection to source to be stronger, allowing me to wake/move like a meadow of wild roses in spring, extraordinary life force energy clear, true and Intune with source of my spiritual education in the physical initiations and attunements.

Buddhism taught me-karma is the movement of the mind and what follows and our mission is to free all sentient beings of suffering by being a vortex of high inspiration, creativity and brilliant intelligence that can debate with false assumptions about all things that separate us from our heart and spirit. We learn well lessons for every being to experience fulfillment of meditative accomplishments brought into manifestations of excellent movements of reality for all to know their heart and spiritual potential to create pure wonder through adversity, challenge and crisis.

Though, Babylon Patriarchal Dark Age has filled the mind with much discouragement, belittlement, disempowerment, humankind is ascending out of the long sleep like Plato's Cave-an illusionary world driven by power, control and deception used to manipulate the people. Bound to a cave like a labyrinth people are hypnotized negatively into staring at the wall with projections like shadows telling stories conditioning the people what to think, how to behave and what to believe, taking away their sovereignty, dignity and sense of unique identity. The puppet masters are the people creating projections like shadows onto the walls by standing behind the beguiled people and ahead of a central fire lighting the cave. Those people with discernment and fearless curiosity turn around to see godly puppet masters and break free by wandering the cave system/labyrinth radically trusting their intuition to find the way out. Having never seen the world above ground, there must be great strength navigating the illusionary world and stronger sense of intuition to breakthrough.

Majority of people remain in mass psychosis because it's easier to live in fear disguised as normal reality. Those who remain bound to ideologies, programs and beliefs of the puppet masters go insane because of mental confusion leading to delusion that causes mental afflictions that manifest an unruly, unethical and spiritually, mentally, emotionally bankrupt society of immoral standings.

Change can be overwhelming and luminous like seeing the sun for the first time having lived in a cave your whole life. It's better to embrace change and follow the intuition-heart-based living than to remain bound to constant personal problems that destroy what is truth. There is only mayhem when harmony with the universe is broken into fragments mutated into greater disconnections. Drained of life force energy from weak sense of personal power, the spirit is disconnected from the heart, heart disconnection from the mind and the mind disconnected from consciousness of the Earth. Without consciousness of Earth humanity cannot achieve meditative accomplishments and cycles endlessly through lessons never learned. Lack of growth causing habits, patterns to be consumed by false projections that always eventually become addictions and perversions.

There is a feeling of death when one steps into the unknown, surrendering everything they know to follow the intuition, highest discernment/consciousness. Many people who have near-death experience return to life with a visionary quality of energy that is more creative, carefree and focused on following the spirit calling for freedom, harmony, peace and service to humanity.

There is an exceptional creative vehicle of genius change inside the passion to learn well all aspects of life. It is dangers because everything about change is unpredictable, uncertain and unstable. That is why all beings have strong intuition but to have intuition is to know heart-based living as the closest reality to how the universe functions, how God organizes everything into perfectly imperfect being.