Rosy is a Root - Chapter 2

Coal turns into diamond within a mountain from intense pressure and heat, explosive and rigorous like the death of a star. A star simply condenses and then explodes outwards, spreading its rich guts full of carbon, nitrogen, oxygen and all the ingredients for life out into the endless abyss.

The first time I attended lodge, I was eager and confident. I wanted to meet Mother Earth through the eyes of the womb to understand why we are the way we are. It was midday. The sun was hot and humid. The grass was hard to walk on barefoot because it burned. The great elder said he preferred to walk barefoot and that his feet must learn to endure for he is about to embark upon a four day and four night fasting while dancing Sundance with the sun beating against his breath like a strong and ruthless drummer.

We gathered around the dome shaped lodge low to the Earth made of branches and rope with an entrance facing west and a fire directly across the lodge opening. The fire keeper was watchful, diligent and intuitive. He gave the fire what it needed to not only to survive but thrive. The spirit of prayer came like wind through the tall pine trees, swaying and giggling with the rattle of ancestors coming from all directions to join us.

My mother and I with other women dressed the lodge in blankets and heavy tarps. We dressed the inside with cloth of red for west, yellow for east, white for north and black for south and hung them perfectly in their direction with green hanging for Mother Earth and blue hanging for Father Sky. The men were finishing their prayer ties at tables. They were creating tiny balls of tobacco then wrapping them in cloth, either black, white, yellow or red as well as green and blue. They tied the tabaco wrapped in colorful cloth to a long white string.

Some people arrived with already made prayer ties long and short and some came with just their awareness of the prayers they need answered and fulfilled. I came with a journal and wrote my prayers down on paper beside the fire. I stared into the fire and imagined my great grandmother who I only saw once when I was one year old before she passed away.

When the time was right, the great elder called out for us to gather around the fire. Before we entered the space of the sacred land, we smudge and when we enter the womb we smudge again. Smudging is when a person holds a bowl with smoking white sage up to another person and place the smoking white sage to the face, heart, stretching our arms like wings, under the arms, over the arms, down the body, under feet. Then we turn clockwise, and the person does the same to our back. We turn all the way around clockwise to face the person in a reverent understanding that the heart must be pure to receive the teachings of The Great Mother.

Sitting around the fire the elders bring out the sacred pipe as the drummer plays Lakota opening ceremony songs as the great elder and leader of the ceremony places tobacco into the pipe and goes into deep prayer and pure intention. The great elder places the sacred pipe in each direction, to the sky, the sacred land and then to his heart. Afterwards, we begin to line up to enter the lodge. Women are first and men follow. Women typically wear long dresses. There is a spirit trail leading from the heart of the lodge to the fire and no one must cross it once it has been laid down. The spirit trail is our clear path to the spirit world. It protects us and guides us.

Entering the lodge, we are each smudged again. We bring our towels and/or meditation cushion into the darkness like climbing back into the womb for soul nourishment. We crawl on our hands and knees clockwise to our seated spots. Circling the center indent in the ground we focus intensely on our prayers. We hang out prayer ties above us. The great elder summons the fire keeper to bring in the sacred pipe, drums placed near the fire and cedar and sweetgrass. Then, a pumpkin bowl of water comes. The great elder and a man directly across grab the leather handle and four times bring the pumpkin bowl to the indent where the grandfathers go and then to the place where the sacred water will rest.

Silence comes when the grandfathers arrive. The great elder decides how many stones are used for each ceremony. Sometimes it’s sixteen. Other times are thirty-two. It all depends on the needs of the people. Sweetgrass draws a circle of smoking herbs over each stone that arrives and then a little amount of cedar within a pouch is placed on each stone. The fire keeper enters the lodge right before the door is shut and total darkness comes. In darkness, there is only the flicker of cedar on red hot stones, twinkling like stars until it fades out.

The great elder places water from the pumpkin bowl onto the grandfathers and then begins to sing Lakota songs to call in the spirits. We enter the spirit world and allow the stream to drown our hearts. Breathing is difficult at first. We get down low and kiss the dirt to survive the deathly sweat and heat. It's like learning how to breathe inside the womb again. It’s challenging but not impossible.

The great elder sings Lakota songs very loudly like bang of thunder jumping everyone out of their flesh and into their spirits. People join in with drums and rattles. The sound of freedom, harmony, strength and fearless stride gives grace, mercy and soul to the humanity living inside our hearts.

The second round is when we pray out loud or deep in thought with total concentration. More stones arrive, one after the other placed in the center like stone art. Cedar is placed on each stone again. The great elder pours water onto the grandfathers and we fall into a greater pain, sometimes too great to bear. Many times, in order to be free, we must face the pain by letting it in and learning how to process it for the great thing we’ll ever learn is how to transform our ancestral traumas, too painful to bare, into our victory.

In total darkness, each person has a chance to express their prayers to the community out loud or in thought. Prayers are intimate, direct and soulful, true to our essence - we are one people, growing in wisdom through each other and freeing ourselves and all beings of suffering. Once everyone has gone, we open the door and let in some cool air. Every now and then the great elder with open the door and sometimes the back door to let people recover.

The third round is when we drink water. More grandfathers are brought into the lodge with cedar placed on each stone. By now, there is a little mountain of stones forming in the center of the lodge. The great elder sings more Lakota songs of healing with people drumming, shaking their rattles and singing very proudly.

A cup is passed out to each person and we drink from the same jug of water. While drinking, we focus on our healing. We place some water over the parts of the body that have sickness, pain or need support and strength. We can send water to our spirit, emotions, mind and life force simply by focusing on them.

The fourth round is when we give thanks. More grandfathers come into space with full power of protection, strength and love. Cedar is placed on each stone. The great elder closes the door, after a long moment of recovery, we dive into the abyss like a black hole somewhere in the galaxy. Water pours onto stones again. We are drenched in water like a baby just out of the water sack. The great elder begins to sing Lakota songs. The drumming pounds like herd of running buffalo, shaking the air and ground. We are falling deeper into the Earth.

I go into my list of gratitude and like a bow and arrow strike each and every thing I am thankful for. I am thankful for clean water, running water, a fridge with food inside, shelter that is warm in the cold winter and cool in the hot summer, a functional car, a soft and comfortable bed, a bathtub and warm water, good health, family with good health, my dog has good health, education, my teachers (I list each and every teacher that helped me excel), my gifts and talents, my strength, my willpower, my parent’s strength and willpower, wisdom, strong mind, a parent with strong mind, kindness and forgiveness in my heart, a stable job, financial security and protection, safe neighborhood, money in savings, my creativity, my imagination, my families support and care…The list goes on and on for what seems like hours darting across my sky like shooting stars.

We exit the lodge like a baby entering the world for the first time. We are all disoriented, exhausted and like we returned to Earth from another planet. We embrace each other in sweaty, dirty hugs and then lay down on the hot grass with this sense of near-death experience that has transformed our very understanding of who we are, who we are not and what we are meant to become.

Everything is clearer, vivid and sensitive. The sounds of birds are more distinct. The rustling leaves are more dynamic. The distant woodpecker is sharper. The falling pinecones are more ecstatic. The motion of clouds and color from the sun is more radiant. The touch of grass is deeper felt. The smell of pine and sage has a deeper connection. The sight of the fire is more creative. Everything moves with greater purpose, harmony and understanding. The mind is soft, empty and clear of the common negativity. There is just breathing, observing and being awareness of nature in a more kindred, heartful and curious way. The pain, trauma and separation feel less like an affliction and more available to be changed for the better.

There is a hose and we each stand under it cleaning ourselves of dirt. The water is cool and refreshing like taking a drink of water after four days and four nights. The race, chase, hustle, grind, force, control, demand dissolves into total patience. Thought, the bothersome thought, memory and afflictions that must be repaired, reprogrammed, reformed, reinvented, resolved, reparented, revised, repatterned, rehabilitated there is strength in the near-death experience like going into the womb and being crushed like a caterpillar in the cocoon. The caterpillar must think it's dying because its bones and structure are being broken down into nothing. The caterpillar endures long enough for something miraculous to happen. It stretches beyond itself and has wings that burst through the walls of its previous limitation and flies to die as quickly as it came alive to cycle through again but next time maybe the dead butterfly will transform into a living falcon.