Scholarship Essay: Robin is name, Falcon is mental, Raven is soul

Robin is name, Falcon is mental, Raven is soul

By Rose de Halcón

My name is Rose de Halcón. I was originally given the name Robyn after the north American bird. Robins have the most spirited, high pitch and enthusiastic song. No matter how depressed you are a robin’s song alerts you, shocks you like lightning then thunder bangs and you can’t help but feel fearless. I took on the name Rose de Halón when I started to embody my Turkish soul with the middle eastern story of the Anunnaki and Inkee, the great sage that helped people free themselves of slavery, who could possibly be Osiris.

I am the roses of Segovia, Spain where some of my ancestors once lived. A rose is bright, unapologetically bright and unafraid of predators who may want to harm. She is fierce, deathless and creatively ambitious. She fades, breaks and is reborn. She lets go and goes to roots, essence to reinvent, resurrect and revive herself. Red is color of a warrior and root of civilization, which began at the hearth when fire showed us how to make, build and create energy, how to turn atoms and particles into intelligence, applied science and development. I am falcon because my dynamic ethnicity allows me to connect with many geographic locations. I fly to different cultures and observe people’s ways of understanding Earth, each other and universe.

My father died tragically when I was six years old. He was a bus driver and one day while driving his seat detached from ground and fell over. His back was damaged. He went into surgery to repair his back and died. You never think being a bus driver is dangerous until someone dies while being a bus driver. That’s why whenever I ride the bus I pray the bus driver is safe. My mother struggled to rebuild her life after his death but she is a warrior.

I found Guru Jagat and Ra Ma Institute for Applied Yogic Science and Technology when I was studying abroad in Spain. I worked very hard to save money for the two months stay and earned a scholarship for my essay on the fifth dimension with Steven Hawkins’ perspective. Guru Jagat has been my muse, source of creative intelligence and fun-loving companion. She died unexpectedly August 1^st, 2021.

Guru Jagat was the greatest person I ever knew. She was resilient, dedicated and fearless. She had big dreams for this planet and fulfilled them. She made most transformative thing happen. She created a way for us to bring in the Aquarian Age. She gave us creative energy, self esteem, self responsibility and tribe to build speed of consciousness paradigm.

Babylonian patriarchal dark ages are coming to an end and that will bring crisis and immense change. I feel the grace period is over. We are renaissance and our assignment is to transform human civilization into a greater creative intelligence so that we can recover, repair, restore, reparent, redesign, restructure, reprogram, rewire, reform, redeem and rehabilitate ourselves. It takes a tribe but the tribe has been removed from Babylonian’s world.

I knew I was Native American at a young age. When Cherokees were forcefully removed from this land, my ancestor went to live on a plantation with African American people. Native American and African American are both displaced and told they don’t belong. They understand each other because they know feeling of being worthless.

My African American ancestors lived on a plantation for generations. Slaves were given the last name of their owner. I still carry the name of a slave owner. That’s why I changed my last name to falcon. I am not my past. I am homo sapien 2.0, Aquarian breed of a future paradigm, same paradigm Nikola Tesla was trying to help us discover and create for ourselves. We will never survive without overcoming separation. We don’t stand a chance against the progressive changes of Earth without unity and tribe.

I have been a scholar for Immense Grace, a women's program at Ra Ma Institute for Applied Yogic Science and Technology for four years. I always worked hard, trying to prove myself worthy to Guru Jagat. I think she saw herself in me that’s why she generously gave me full scholarship, year after year.

I am fearless. I had a stalker who wanted to end my life. I didn’t die but I came close. I know what it’s like to feel life slipping away, your loved ones fading, and sense of leaving the Earth but I am too passionate to give up. I had a massive tumor. It nearly took away my ovary. I had sexual trauma. I believe it caused my ovarian tumor. The man who violated me disposed of me like trash. I survived the negativity attacking my mind and body because of Guru Jagat instilling in me human excellence. I had my thyroid collapse that nearly triggered me into being diabetic. Everyone has a story of suffering and a story of victory. I know the world isn’t easy. Many people are feeling discouraged. I want to help develop the human merkaba, time and space machine, human technology. People can access renaissance within the merkaba and clear generations of unresolved karma, negativity and trauma.

Being dyslexic, I’ve always looked at things from a different perspective, multitude of perspectives. Growing up, I had to experiment with learning. My learning has always been challenging yet innovative because I am forced to transform my brain and way of looking at things in order to progress my intelligence.

Kundalini Yoga came to me like a robin sitting on a branch of a tree outside my window singing. I am a yogic scientist. Yogic science and technology are how we are going to transform our mind to be the renaissance the future versions of ourselves need. Dyslexia can feel like deep meditation. When something unfamiliar and uncomfortable happens and you see it, feel it but you can’t articulate it, until you figure out how to learn in a unique way that repatterns your ability to express yourself. Then, you become masterful. Expression is fixed when the mind is set. Change the expression and the mind moves differently.

I follow the White Buffalo lineage. I don’t know how I came across White Buffalo teachings. It’s been in me for a long time, maybe lifetimes. The story of White Buffalo woman to the Native American people speaks about two paths, path of ego, trickster, and path of heart, purifier. She gave humankind Chanupa, the sacred pipe to help people build a strong heart. We pray with the sacred pipe and smoke tobacco with our tribe. The Great Spirit gifted me knowledge and experience of Lakota traditional sweat lodge, healing drum circle, pow wow and Sundance.

Attending lodge has given me spiritual protection and stronger vision. Lakota lodge is made of branches tied together in a dome shape with blankets and tarps that make the lodge pitch black inside. The entrance always faces west. Directly across from the entrance is an altar, the fire and medicine wheel. A spirit trail is laid out from the fire to the center of the lodge where an indent falling into deeper earth will hold round stones during ceremony.

We make prayer ties of white, black, yellow, red, blue and green to represent the four directions and father sky and mother earth. White is north where the elders live in mountains ready to give us ancient knowledge of stars and human origin. Black is east where our grandfathers live training the mind to be disciplined, clear and discerning. Yellow is west where our grandmothers live healing our body, mind and soul with nurture, care, love and belonging. Red is south where children live manifesting wildest dreams and creative desires. Blue is father sky where Native American creation story of a pregnant sky woman falling to an Earth made of only water and a sea turtle being her land as she summons the continent of North America.  She gives birth to a daughter that meets a man from the east and gives birth to twins that will be rivalries till end of time, perfect duality, polarity, good and evil, right and wrong, challenging each other forever. Green is mother earth where ancestors give their talents and gifts to help us become better story tellers.

We pray while holding tobacco and smoking sage and then wrap tobacco in colored cloth. We tie cloth with tobacco to a long white string that hangs. Eventually, string dangles balls of white, black, yellow, red, blue and green with tobacco inside. We sit right of altar as the elder prepares the chanupa. Before we enter the space, we sage from head to toe, under both arms and turn clockwise to sage head to toe, under feet and under both arms, the back and then turn clockwise again to face person with smoking sage. Ceremony opens with chachangas, drums while elder places tobacco into chanupa. Elder connects chanupa to seven directions, north, south, east, west, sky, earth and human heart. We enter the lodge, women first and then men follow.

We sage again before we crawl on hands and knees into womb like lodge. We enter in clockwise motion and when everyone is inside the elder sits at entrance with the fire keeper ready to follow instructions. We hang our prayer ties above us, usually wrapping them around branches. Chachangas are brought inside lodge clockwise with cedar and sweetgrass. Pumpkin bowl with water is brought inside and is placed beside the elder. The elder asks fire keeper to bring in grandfathers, stones that are placed in center of round, low to earth and dark lodge. Cedar then sweetgrass is placed on each stone as they arrive. Once all grandfathers arrive, the elder asks fire keeper to close entrance. Fire keeper will enter lodge when the elder asks to close entrance and will exit when the elder asks for the entrance to be open. Fire keeper moves back and forth between the fire and being in lodge.

In total darkness, elder pours water onto streaming stones. Stones look like stars in night sky because of cedar, sweetgrass and water creating a glinting, twinkling affect. Elder begins to sing Lakota songs to call in ancestors for strength, protection healing and love. Everyone pounds drums while singing. We enter the spirit world.

The second round begins. Elder has fire keeper bring in more grandfathers. Stones arrive and are greeted with cedar. Elder has fire keeper close entrance. Elder pours water onto grandfathers and sings more Lakota songs. We pound drums and sing. Then, we pray out loud. Each person prays. Some people pray long. Some people pray internally. Prayers are full of compassion, sincerity, kindness, grief, fear and closeness with nature.

The third round begins. Cups are handed out clockwise and we drink cool water as we focus on healing our body, mind and spirit. Elder has fire keeper bring in more grandfathers. Stones arrive and are greeted with cedar. Elder has fire keeper close entrance and pours water onto grandfathers. Elder sings more Lakota songs for healing. We pound our drums and sing.

The final round starts. Elder helps us focus on gratitude and love. Elder asks fire keeper to bring in more grandfathers. Stones arrive and are greeted with cedar for the last time. Elder has fire keeper close entrance. Elder pours water onto grandfathers and sings Lakota songs for gratitude. We pound our drums and sing.

We exit womb way we came in. We stand and embrace each other like brothers and sister feeling otherworldly and like babies coming out of water sack of mother, clean, vital and true to our soul. We lay on grass for long minutes to ground ourselves and integrate spirit world and physical world.

This was a lodge unlike others. We arrived in the night to be notified that a man who participated in lodge for years, someone I never met before and who had not attended lodge for two years, had recently killed three people, including taken his own life. His late father was born an addict. His mother did meth when she was pregnant. This man didn’t have chance. His brain was too messed up, rotten from the drugs. He was a fighter though. My elder spoke highly of him. I trust my elder’s opinion more than anyone because he has integrity and self-respect like no other.

This man had been doing well, according to my elder. He loved riding his motorcycle and had a beautiful dog companion. He attended Sundance energetically. He found Native American pow wow, ceremony and community to be his safe haven but his darkness was invasive, rambunctious and persistent. My elder said he just snapped. One day he went to his AA meeting and shot a woman, her lover and then himself. My elder thinks he was triggered by the woman and her lover’s relationship. He was insecure about something.

This night at lodge his son attended. His son was around my age, early twenties. He was handsome, youthful and sensitive, gentle like a deer. He was numb and voiceless. He was hiding his pain and rage very well underneath his unchanging face. He seemed stable and alright with grief and disappointment. He was nervous and uncomfortable though. I could tell he doesn’t attend lodge rarely. He looked forced and irritated by the idea of lodge.

When we entered lodge, the rounds felt like going into Osiris underworld kingdom, dark but not evil, a place where souls are judged not by God but by their own soul. Osiris knows great suffering. He was killed by his own brother out of jealousy and brought back to be killed again in a worst way, mutilated. His sister Isis found fragmented pieces of him scattered about Egypt and sowed him back together. He became the ruler of an underworld that weighs the heart against karma, which decides whether a soul will graduate or repeat. Osiris is the great judge. He doesn’t punish just teaches souls that there is order to chaos and balance that must be fair.

During the healing round, my elder asked everyone to make sounds to uncage the pent-up darkness. I couldn’t see the boy because it was pitch black but I heard his scream. I felt him vomiting tar like negativity into the lodge. I felt fear and suffering all around us. I felt suicide spirit and it was dense and heavy, insane, nasty and grotesque. Distasteful gunk was whirling around like debris.

Then, I began to sing. I sang like a bird. I didn’t speak words. At first, I was humming and then bird calling. I’ve never created that sound before. I knew I had to bring in the light. The entire atmosphere changed. It wasn’t scary or haunting anymore. Dense and heavy tar like negativity was consumed by most subtle, soft and tender sound. Somehow tar like negativity was transformed. It wasn’t a grim reaper or demon anymore. It was a sweet snow falling to earth that kills buildup of bacteria in soil. I felt not extreme heat from steaming stones. I felt wind horse galloping around us taking slim and turning it into something else. The rotten was being decomposed and recycled back into its most organic state. In that moment, I saw myself not as a robin or falcon but as a raven. Raven travels underworld, spirit world and physical world like a seer, knowing how to alter reality to bring in an outcome that is fair and restores balance. My spirit is bird Robin, my mind is bird Falcon and my soul is bird Raven.

We all need deep healing. The land needs healing. In Babylonian dark ages, we ruined ourselves trying to segregate, discriminate in our prejudice. We are generations that get to process karmas of past. There are fourteen generations awaiting us, wanting to be liberated through us but darkness must be faced without fear. Darkness isn’t what we think. We are meant to transcend duality, polarity and not be in power struggle always. Duality, polarity doesn’t have to be suffering and crisis. There will always be crisis but we can be the eye of storm and not fear that poisons our minds and has us against each other. We don’t realize until generations later that law of universe is this…the world is a product of our mind.

We are conditioned to think our mind is a product of the world but deep down we know it’s a lie and we tell ourselves because we feel like a victim. We are angry that we have been manipulated, deceived and tricked by people pretending to gods, all powerful but are not gods, all powerful king, priest, leader, ruler. They are a devil, which my definition of devil is something that mimics the universe and distorts its originality with the intention of controlling it for a manipulated present, past and future. The world influences and can control our mind but the world needs our imagination to exist. Dark imagination or light imagination, the world does whatever we want it to. It’s not prejudice. It’s neutral. It doesn’t judge. We judge ourselves because in order to be whole in our soul we have to do right by our soul, which is creative victory for all that is.

My mission is to be the robin, falcon and raven to this planet. I am no longer Native American, African American with a voice stolen from her. Memories of false Christian people stealing children away from their families, cutting their hair and forcing them to never speak their native tongue again are healing within me. I decide to be the breakthrough. Dense and heavy goo like negativity, rotten and toxic is decomposing like the vulture.

Vultures can eat most foul dead things and digest them into waste that earth processes back into nutritional soil for future generations of growth. Genocide did not destroy us. It made us angry, fearful and self-destructive but energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It’s either transferred, transformed, transmuted or transcended. I decide not to transfer these memories and traumas. I decide to transform, transmute and transcend by being the person who sings like a robin to dense and heavy realities of this world.

Meditation and yoga are like a jingle dance. Story of jingle dance comes from Great Lakes. Long ago, a tribe was very sick with the plague. Everyone was dying rapidly. Someone received a vision from the Great Spirit to jump up and down like a bell in the wind. People began to do this movement and started to get better. People survived because of the spirit dance. Jingle dance is a somatic shake that clears the fascia of trauma and sickness. Meditation and yoga were given to us long ago to overcome difficulties of survival and reach fullness of potential and thrive.

Kundalini Yoga is 80,000 years old and mastered at time of Thoth in Africa and the Middle East. It was a technology of consciousness to help any intelligent lifeform transform its matter into something else. When atoms and particles want to reinvent itself, they need a way of deconstruction and reconfiguration. We are in-between death and new life, where our old way of existence is being challenged, broken down, destroyed for something else to emerge. Meditation and yoga allow us to support that process of letting go for something to be transformed by the soul.

It’s a visionary quest. Only those with heart will find within mystery a great theory like Steven Hawkins and the black hole. We are kindling to a renaissance, a future exalted from the past.

I am studious, eager and enthusiastic about learning. My intention is to receive a full scholarship for yoga teacher training. I respect your community. Though I am new to the state, and I haven’t met many people yet. I feel encouraged to learn from your community and serve your community with my unique creative transmission. I am not certified in yoga but I have a prolific archive of teaching kundalini yoga and meditation, which I have perfected independently.

I am a certified Meditation teacher at Three Jewels NYC. I have attended Buddhist classes for two years with pursuit of accomplishing all Buddhist training courses at Three Jewels under Geshe Michaels lineage. Also, I have studied with Rod Stryker, attending Yoga Nidra training and Vedas courses. I have studied with Yashoda Deva Ma, my vedic meditation teacher. I enjoy Sattva Yoga and Kriya yoga. Yogananda and Guru Ram Das are my ecstatic dances, I dance with them under the moon by the river with a fire. Sufi poets and Turkish whirling sufi dancers are my antidote to depressive thoughts, I take in like climbing a tree to feel the roots of the tree holding me.

I am passionate about becoming a masterful student and helper teacher. I enjoy learning and I am also working on attending University for North Native American studies. I want to preserve Native American teachings because I feel they are valuable and important in these times when humankind needs to heal, repair its connection to nature and come together as a tribe for the purpose of harmony, higher education, health, positive economy and creative fulfillment. I am a storyteller, creative writer and healer. My muses are Nikola Tesla, Alan Watts, Robert Bly, Neil Degrass Tyson, Mr. Rogers, Dr. Seuss, C. S. Lewis, Lee Anne Peters, Michelle Gordon, Brit Marling, Teg, Harmanjot, Harjiwan, Shaman Derek and Guru Jagat. These extraordinary thinkers give me courage, freedom, higher intelligence, great vision and strength. I am fortunate to have many excellent expanders. I am a torch barrier. I desire to continue the legacy of sages. My intention is to improve my knowledge and come together with like-minded people and build the Aquarian renaissance for future generations to look back at us and be like, "Oh, the places we did go to heal our bones, uplift our souls and better our home."